I Had Plenty of Good Intentions, Going Broke, Never A Part of My Plan

I set out on a musical adventure in March 2015 with grand hopes of changing the world with my words and my works. This all came to happened nearly two years after my life was turned inside out.

In April 2013 I walked into my house, through the garage side door to find that my husband of six years, five and a half unhappy, was hiding an arsenal of weapons right under my nose. I thought we had four shotguns. Four months prior to learning about the stockpile of 21 weapons that included AK 47s and AR-15s, we had received, a letter of denial in the mail. It was actually addressed to him, but we read it together,  via Skype like all the other mail. It was a rejection from my husband’s life insurance company, saying they denied his request to double my insurance to half a million, due to a recent illness. ( I had pneumonia and blood clots in my lungs!)

When I found the safe full of guns, after I caught wind of the request, a few things became clear. My opinion or life was not valued, my husband was delusional, and I was getting a divorce. On April 12, 2013, I had no idea how that was going to happen, given my situation of living with a controlling man. But let me tell you how I think it came to be…

Pray For Better Days

At this time, six years ago,  I was randomly touring Europe with this mad man I had married and felt alienated from and unsafe with. Along the way, from Amsterdam to Rome, over the course of 15 days, we toured 27 cities and we visited many churches along the way, including St. Peter’s Cathedral.

I am not Catholic but I am a huge fan of St. Anthony, so when I came upon his shrine in Kutz, Germany, I got down on my knees and prayed for his help in finding ME again. I did this for two weeks at every St. Anthony Shrine I found. Two days after my return from that long emotionally charged and unhappy trip, where we would even witness our Pope Francis conducting Mass, I had a house fire. It was small and under control in no time and little damage was done. It cost me $1000 for a new stove and before it was even installed, I hit the jackpot.

My ex-husband was a wealthy man. When I departed my marriage my husband was working in Saudi Arabia making a cool quarter million a year. The more money he made, the more out of control he became. It took some planning to remove myself from that situation, but on Valentine’s Day 2014 I filed for divorce and started to move away from our home on February 10. I left the marriage accepting $25,000, my truck and a trailer as an exit deal and I ran like hell.

In July 2013 after I had a small house fire, I felt as though life was at the lowest point. But after the smoke cleared, there remained hope in the ashes. That is when I met Robert Walker and the plan of rebuilding began. I never told Robert when we started out, that I was going to use him to get away from my marriage, but I knew exactly what was happening in my life. He was my escape plan. Robert came to my home to clean it after my fire and needed a better opportunity. I knew I could pay him more for work that had fewer health risks. It was not a bad deal for him either.

Create Your Best Days

From August thru December, Robert and I communicated about building a business and working together. Our first day of the new adventure was December 1, 2013, and we cleaned up messes that some people would never consider. We dabbled in estate cleaning and sales, we hosted regular appointments (15-20 each week on average) cleaning homes and businesses.

 Behind the scenes, I have been a writer my entire life. Journaling and crafting short stories are my favorite ways to pass my downtime. It is something that started in my rebellious childhood. Each time I was grounded and sent to my room, I turned on the radio and picked up a pen. I wrote poems and short stories throughout my childhood. By my teenage years, music held my full attention and writing about it has been a thing for me since.

In working with Robert, we developed the best relationship I have ever known. This man stood by me throughout the emotional roller-coaster of divorce and watched me fight my demons over people in the truck daily. He calmed me down when I acted out and got upset and did irrational things. He told me we had plenty of time to get to know each other and was the first person who slowed me down enough to think things through. He reminded me to find myself and that I still did not know who I was going to be.

He inspired me to follow my dreams and those dreams led us both here. Robert has been reading each blog and removing commas and editing since June 2016. Whether he knew it or not, Robert was single-handedly rebuilding my life by just being in it! He gave me the inspiration to dream and follow my heart. That made my heart settle on him as I set out on my own adventure.

Follow Your Heart

Not interested much in relationships after my last marriage and track record, I became comfortable in building my relationship with a community. I have remained devoted and dedicated to the mission of connecting people to music and I have been successful in my work when it comes to people knowing where to go to find live music.

For most of the time that this blog has existed, I funded it by way of my cleaning business. Most people do not recognize how hard I worked to make all of this happen. I understood and knew what I was doing. I was working on building my retirement plan from the cleaning business, that enlisted the talents and passions of my youth.

Work Hard and Harder

Through most of that time of supporting this blog with cleaning, I was working with Robert. Things shifted and changed with time because as the weeks rolled by, the blog’s popularity grew and as it did, it demanded more of my time. Quite frankly this excited me. I was making appearances on radio shows all over the state, people were making a big deal out of me, because of the work I was doing for music makers. In short, shame on me, I was living my dreams for a hot minute!

I was fooled enough, by this time last year, getting ready to walk into another Summer music season and I wanted to embrace it fully. Robert accepted a job where 40 hours was a promise and I continued cleaning by day with the hope of selling the business we built and investing it here. I had a business that was easily worth $50K at a hot sale. And that would have been enough to get my dreams rolling.

Learn Lessons

As last Summer progressed, there was little hope that my old self-serving friend would amount to being worth any investment, I was onto a new plan. I ran into someone I had partnered with in business throughout the years, at Barn Bash. Mark Berry and I were getting ready to talk and we spoke briefly about the middle of the week. Well by Tuesday of that week,  September 11, 2018, I was leaving town for NJ under evacuation, in a rush and without my wallet. We would not return until September 22. It was one of the longest 11 days stretches of my life. It was true hell watching my home town on TV as it suffered through Florence. Hearing reports of the homes lost and knowing the people that lived there leaves you powerless when you are 500 miles away.

 I wanted to jump into action from NJ and felt stranded and frustrated at every turn. When I came home, I was paralyzed by the destruction. I could not believe it and I definitely did not want to work. I wanted to help anybody and everyone I could. So I turned on my phone, jumped in my truck and put all three of us to work. I delivered buckets and meals for days. I went live and shared info, and begged everyone for help. I was so displaced by the damage it took a long time to get past it all.

The Fall Between the Cracks

In the end, I lost no personal goods, my house and my family are very lucky. I lost my businesses. And with having no good credit, given the divorce and single motherhood life, I decided to accept that I have no worth to this world. I got to thinking that was true when the SBA agent said: “You have nothing positive to work with, call us back if you turn something around.” I have not had any desire to even address that!

As I did get back to a new normal, I went back to work with the work that remained. Only this time alone and for the moment in time, that was perfect. Then it was back to music also after another month. It remained like that for six weeks until I got sick with the Flu and gave away all but one cleaning account. So in short Flo and the Flu kicked my a$$ in 2018.

To be honest, as I walked into 2019 in reflection, I looked at Florence as a message from our Father above. I built that business with Robert and after turning my back on that plan I certainly did not deserve any return on investment. Knowing my relationship with Robert, I know it is an act of God that he showed up here and maybe I should have honored him more. He is a good man. He put up with a lot from me. I always knew I was a handful! He only learned it with time and handled me well. Given that, I was already longing and lost before the middle of September, yet behind the scenes that man remained.

New Day New Opportunity

For me, it has been quite a year in the whole dream development arena of life!! I am grateful that I chose Robert and music to help me grow and heal. Today I can say I love Robert even more than I ever can remember loving any man! He does not provide for me by giving me money and expecting me to be someone I am not. Instead, he shows up every day to help me find my own way.

Never wanting to change me, always wanting to be helpful and always tolerant and patient with my tornado of a personality! This man who served our country as a Marine years ago is my hero today and for the last 6 years! Given that, it is my wish to return to the goals that helped me reclaim my life after a psychotic marriage. Cleaning houses may not be glamorous work but we are skilled deep cleaners, we earned good money and now he is available again for work and I want nothing more than to employ him.

Last time I upstarted the cleaning business on 10K and I know that I can do it again with the right equipment, insurances, and advertising.  As much as I have loved being your music lady, accolades and praise do not pay the bills. I am stepping away from trying to impress people with my music plans and working my way back to earning a good living so that I can afford to blog for you again! To help me do that please visit my Go Fund Me Page today! Thank you for your support and for reading!



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